When you desire something, it is often a private or secret matter and you don’t share it with others. In contrast, wanting something is a much more visible thing because you put will and action into getting it. But maybe I’m just imagining this difference.
Let’s look at desires first. In my experience, there are at least three important aspects of having desires:
1. Your heart is involved. Desires are about the deep longings we have. Yes, we can desire a blue car rather than a red one. But if the red car is free and the blue one costs $50,000, most of us will probably ignore our desire. When it comes to desires for things like freedom or love, however, we are talking real business of the heart and it takes much more to ignore it.
2. Desires make you vulnerable. If you have the courage to admit your desires to yourself, not to peak of voicing them to others, you risk disappointment. That is, if your desires are not be fulfilled, then you have to deal with disappointment. That is what I mean by desires making you vulnerable.
3. You do not always know your own desires. Often, our desires are hidden from ourselves. Who knows why we don’t want to look our own desires in the eye. Maybe we don’t want to be disappointed. Or maybe that others have told us we cannot have certain desires. Whatever the reason, it takes courage to descend into the depths of our hearts and find our desires.
Then let’s look at wanting things. Here are three short descriptors of what that implies:
1. You go after the thing you want. There is no way to want something without pursuing it, because that is what “want” means. You reach out and grab for it. Think about a time you suddenly wanted a BigMac. You saw a McDonald restaurant, told yourself “I want a BigMac,” turned your vehicle around, and went in to get one.
2. Wanting makes you strong. Setting yourself on something increases your focus. You become concentrated and stop looking at alternative objects of interest. This simply makes you strong. Others see your determination, and they step out of the way.
3. Your mind and your will go into high gear. There is probably nothing like the collaboration of those two faculties - mind and will - when it comes to wanting something. If you get a good argument in gear. And if you put your will behind it. Then nothing can stop you from getting what you want.
This is what I think makes the difference between desires and wants. But am I right? Perhaps the line is not as clear as I think. Plus, if I am right, why would anyone care? So, tell me. Why think about the difference between desires and wants?
This is the third of three questions on desire. Previously: How Do You Tap into Your Desires? and What Are You Doing with Your Desire for Fulfillment? (Photo: Stephen Poff on flickr)
Get distracted: Is There Any Fear Stronger Than the Fear of Disappointment? and You Are Not Really Free, Are You?
