We often run into people who regret that our sensuality and desires guide us through life. They tell us we chase after pleasure and are at the mercy of our feelings. They say this leaves us without real values. But, something is not right about this position.
I can think of three reasons we should not disregard our desires.
1: Killing our desires does not make them die, it makes them go bad. We can try to kill our desires, but they will not die. They sit there, on the inside of our hearts, and go bad. You may, for example, desire children, but you are unable to conceive. Then you tell yourself, “That’s no problem because it is best for me not to have children anyway.” But then suddenly you find yourself envying those who do have children. That is what I mean by “desires going bad.”
I am not sure about you, but I do not want this to happen. I want my desires fulfilled.
2: Without desires, we have nothing to drive us forward. It is my experience that we become apathetic and indifferent if we have no personal desires to pursue. Getting on with a project someone else wants us to do can activate us, but it does not therefore fulfill us. If you think about the time you took a job only for the money, you know what I mean by being indifferent. You lack a desire for what you do.
I am not sure about you, but I do not want to be indifferent. I want to be engaged.
3: If we disregard our desires, we deny we are human. Imagine looking into the eyes of someone who does not have desires. What would you see? Or, imagine trying to have a conversation with that person. What would you talk about? … Exactly. You would not see someone like yourself, and you could hardly get a conversation going. You would not be talking to a human being.
I am not sure about you, but I do not want to lose the spark in my eyes and the meaning in my words. I want to be human!
So…
For these three reasons, it seems like a scary prospect to disregard our desires. At the same time, I do not want to live a life without values. I do not want to be tossed around by the sea of my own feelings. I do not want to be at the mercy of my desires.
Rather, I want a life of fulfilled desires, of moving forward in life, and of being fully human. Help me understand how to get those things. More specifically, help me answer this question: How do you tap into your desires without being at their mercy?
This is the second of three questions on desire. Previously: What Are You Doing with Your Desire for Fulfillment? (Photo: JesseBarker on flickr.)
Get distracted: Should You Cheat Out of Love for Yourself? and Being Fair - Is That the Best You Can Do?
